The Warriors meets Mad Max 2 meets Conan.
It's post apocalyptic and it's 23 years since the event which is referred to in the film by a word beginning with C but I can't quite remember what right now. The world has become a strange mish mash of old and new. People have split into bizarre tribes. The story follows some bloke (and his comedy sidekick) whose sister is captured by a gang of raiders. He then tries to find these people and get his sister back.
The two blokes, the raiders
Along the way he gets captured by She, the leader of a tribe of women who like to kill men. He escapes but then captures her because she's the only person who knows the way to the Valley of the Norks (the people who captured the sister, natch). She and the blokes get captured by some mutants who dress like mummies. And often wield chainsaws. And the leader of them has problems with his arms falling off. They put them in some kind of trash compactor like in star wars. But She's tribe rescue them just in time. She inexplicably lets them go and also decides to follow them. Oh and her second in command decides to tag along as well.
That's She and those mutant types. Can you guess which is which?
The men get into trouble at some place where these intellectuals dress in togas but also turn into werewolves at night and eat people. She helps them escape though. And they continue the journey together where they find themselves encountering a religious sect. The cult of Godan the Man-God. Whose followers mainly dress like monks. Oh and Godan wears the symbol of communist Russia in his clothing. He decides to torture she but being as the men claim to be on a pilgrimage to see him they're okay. The idea is to show She how he is a god and she isn't. Which appears to have some truth as he's got glowing green eyes and can make people levitate and stuff (I can't wait for the apocalypse, it gives you special powers!).
After a bit of a rescue attempt from the guys who presumably do it just because they're sick of the screams of the two women. Godan ends up dead through jealousy from his female high priest more than anything the adventurers do. So they head off into a forest from which no one has ever returned. Where they encounter a huge bloke in a tutu. And a gas which sends them to sleep. Some mad 18th century esque scientist is responsible for this and wants to run horrible experiments on them. He keeps them hanging in plastic container things but whilst he's asleep She manages to make it swing enough to make the place catch fire (bit silly having naked flames about the place when it's made of highly combustible plastic stuff. It's a sort of quarantine type tent thing you see.
18th century Mad scientist in a hard hat, awesome.
So off we go to the next encounter with no daily powers used yet. Phew. A few healing surges though for sure. . If you know what the Junkions talked like in the Transformers the movie, you'll know pretty much what Xenon, the blonde guy dressed a bit like an American cavalry soldier, talks like. Only he more of switches between movie dialogue. Or at least movie characters like Groucho and erm what's his face who goes you dirty rat (or in fact didn't but is associated with it). James Cagney. That's it. Anyway he's more of an irritant than a threat and guards the bridge to the Valley of the Norks. The bloke searching for his sister gets there alone due to being separated in the forest and chops him to pieces but Xenon generates into a whole new Xenon each time you chop a bit off him. But he never seems to fully be a threat despite about 12 of them charging at bloke before it cuts to other stuff. She eventually encounters Xenon and gets rid of him by chucking him over the bridge into some landmines.
You know I think that boiler suit look works really well for her.
The Norks seem to live in a Nuked out city which looks awesome. They like to have female slaves. And fight. And use bombs and stuff. We see them having something of an initiation ceremony and then we got to their gladiator arena. About 10 people all fighting each other, all masked in some fashion. Naturally three of them prove to be our heroes. If you can call them that. They rescue the sister but the Nork leader is unhappy that a woman has snuk into the ceremony. He lets them go but swears to destroy She's clan.
The fearsome Nork leader. Wearing tinfoil. Or something.
She & Co quickly make some makeshift barricades and traps outside the gates to Norkville and take on the army of Norks. She makes some bows and arrows out of twigs and digs up landmines for the norks to charge into and get blowed up. Makes quite a good fight scene actually with interesting variation in the types of units being used by the Norks. Make for good D&Dage, I'm sure. The day is saved and bloke sails off into the sunset with his sister, forgetting totally the potential romance he was going to have with She.
So um. Yeah that's the whole movie. I really enjoyed it. It's daft and has odd combination of countries involved (Italy, Israel, USA) but it shows certain imagination. Its humour is deliberate and it's just generally having a great time. I'd rather something try to have imagination and fail a bit than to just play it safe. While the likes of Slumdog Millionaire are good they don't really excite me in the same way as this sort of thing. Slumdog millionaire doesn't have a robot Frankenstein's monster whose head explodes now does it?